alewife's hue

09/22/20

sometimes it's hard to remember how i felt and how i want to feel
to some point, i want to feel them but i also want to move on and see the sun
i want things to be golden again
but i don't want to move on
i want things to be golden with him
but i don't think he's ever coming back

i sometimes think about what would happen if he came back
whether or not things would get better
and i can't say that they ever do
regardless, he's the one
either i love him or i never love again
but maybe that's just the desperation talking
the stupid hope that springs back no matter how many times it's defeated.

i have no idea what i want or what i need
it'll show itself soon but i hope soon isn't too late
i want things to be golden again

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